There are some women who, I've recently observed, will do anything for their dude. Laundry, foot massages, taking messages, picking up wedding presents for his friends; hey sister, are you his girlfriend or his secretary?
Sure, playing to each other's strengths and weaknesses to compensate for each other's lack thereof is simply a smart couple thing to do. My boyfriend just happens to be horrible at remembering birthdays whereas I keep a calendar that the President would envy. That doesn't make me his doormat, it makes us efficient.
So, all of this got me thinking about the line between being a good, supportive, awesome ladyfriend and being, essentially, someone's doormat. Or, on the other hand, making him your doormat. And thus, a brief list of a few areas where you should be careful to toe the line:
Do: Be on his side Don't: Fight his battles
Here's the scenario; you're at one of his family functions. His mom, who loathes his career, starts on her usual rant about how it's a total waste of time and will ultimately lead to failure and misery. This is one time that you need to have your dude's back, even if you secretly agree with her.
I know you want his family and his mother in particular, to like you. But you need to remember that you're on his team. That's why you're there. If he wants your opinion on the matter you can tell him later, in private. In the face of opposition however, solidarity is called for.
That said, don't go too far and jump in there and fight for him, like his representative or something. You may think you're doing him a solid, but in actuality, that's the quickest way to from 'supportive' to 'emasculating', just like that.
Do: Place your trust in him Don't: Be foolish
It's easier to be the jealous girl than it is to be the trusting girl. That's my feeling. Being jealous means getting to have a nice, heaping daily indulgence in our insecurities; but at what cost? Always trying to catch your man sneaking around doing goodness knows what with goodness only knows who is not only a super awesome way to drive yourself crazy, it's also almost guaranteed to be the downfall of your relationship.
Unless the guy you're dating is a serial jerk and has a history of bad behavior, chances are you're wrong about your misgivings. All that time you spent worrying and snooping and sneaking is time that you didn't spend enjoying and enhancing your relationship.
You'll be far better of focusing on making the time you spend together stimulating and amazing. Give him reasons to stay, not stray. And when he's out of your sight, assume that he's innocent until proven guilty. If you stay relaxed and positive you'll be able to spot his lies a mile away. Then you can break out the Sherlock Holmes hat. Until that time comes, be brave, be trusting.
Sure, playing to each other's strengths and weaknesses to compensate for each other's lack thereof is simply a smart couple thing to do. My boyfriend just happens to be horrible at remembering birthdays whereas I keep a calendar that the President would envy. That doesn't make me his doormat, it makes us efficient.
So, all of this got me thinking about the line between being a good, supportive, awesome ladyfriend and being, essentially, someone's doormat. Or, on the other hand, making him your doormat. And thus, a brief list of a few areas where you should be careful to toe the line:
Do: Be on his side Don't: Fight his battles
Here's the scenario; you're at one of his family functions. His mom, who loathes his career, starts on her usual rant about how it's a total waste of time and will ultimately lead to failure and misery. This is one time that you need to have your dude's back, even if you secretly agree with her.
I know you want his family and his mother in particular, to like you. But you need to remember that you're on his team. That's why you're there. If he wants your opinion on the matter you can tell him later, in private. In the face of opposition however, solidarity is called for.
That said, don't go too far and jump in there and fight for him, like his representative or something. You may think you're doing him a solid, but in actuality, that's the quickest way to from 'supportive' to 'emasculating', just like that.
Do: Place your trust in him Don't: Be foolish
It's easier to be the jealous girl than it is to be the trusting girl. That's my feeling. Being jealous means getting to have a nice, heaping daily indulgence in our insecurities; but at what cost? Always trying to catch your man sneaking around doing goodness knows what with goodness only knows who is not only a super awesome way to drive yourself crazy, it's also almost guaranteed to be the downfall of your relationship.
Unless the guy you're dating is a serial jerk and has a history of bad behavior, chances are you're wrong about your misgivings. All that time you spent worrying and snooping and sneaking is time that you didn't spend enjoying and enhancing your relationship.
You'll be far better of focusing on making the time you spend together stimulating and amazing. Give him reasons to stay, not stray. And when he's out of your sight, assume that he's innocent until proven guilty. If you stay relaxed and positive you'll be able to spot his lies a mile away. Then you can break out the Sherlock Holmes hat. Until that time comes, be brave, be trusting.
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1 comment:
Good.
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