Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Keeping The Conversation Going

By Matt Fuller

Gone are the days of blind dates now that online dating allows us to assess suitable suitors in a matter of a few minutes rather than throwing caution to the wind and meeting someone sight unseen.

Online dating sites can make us think we're safe in assuming that once we go on the first 'real' date, conversation will flow - but not always.

It's natural to be nervous on a first date - and nerves are the great enemy of easy, natural conversation. So if you already have been chatting to your potential new love online in a singles chat room, then before you head out on that all-important first date, make a mental note of what he or she has told you about themselves.

A lot of first dates happen in restaurants and cafes...but is this the best place to get a conversation going? A better idea is to go to a concert, play, museum, art gallery or one of your city's attractions...or even a hike in nature or a stroll around a historic neighbourhood. This way, the landscape will give you cues to converse about - there's less pressure than being in a restaurant with someone you don't yet know very well.

If you are the kind of person who is a little shy, be sure to select an environment where you can easily talk about the surroundings and atmosphere.

Remember, it's not all about you, or your date, it's about both of you being able to equally contribute to the conversation. And if you find that this is in fact happening fairly comfortably, and without too many awkward silences, you may well be onto something! Having met online first can be a big help.

Be forthcoming with who you are as a person, we all love when someone opens up to us, especially on a date when we are trying our best to assess the other persons characteristics - make it easy for your date, show them who you really are.

It's always wise to restrain yourself from being too opinionated about touchy subjects such as religion or race issues. Show your date your easy going and open minded self before you blast them with your pent up views about what's wrong with the world.

When you're talking, end your comments by asking what you're date thinks on the matter - in other words, draw them in. Avoid monopolizing the talk and ask open ended questions.

Our relationships guru, Diane Bishop, who has been involved in relationships counseling for more than 10 years was quoted in saying "The best form of conversation has always been and still remains - people are interested in interesting people. No matter how trivial it may seem, great conversation that combines two peoples experiences and opinions on a topic, forms the basis for stimulating conversation.

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